And That Was One of the Most Defining Moments of My Life to This Day. Saying goodbye to my dog with a Heart that Had Just Been Shattered into a Billion Pieces. It’s really how it felt. I knew I was doing the right thing by moving on, by going to Los Angeles. And it didn’t stop me from breaking into the most uncomfortable wails I’ve ever experienced. My husband (at the time) had just driven away. That was the last moment of him being my husband really. He wanted to leave the house before I got in the car for a nationwide drive. I compare it to a scene in Dallas Buyers Club where Matthew McConaughey is on the side of the road, in a car, having an emotional breakdown. The wails were so uncomfortable to watch — yet relatable — because he (Matthew) was one of the only other people I had ever seen cry like I (once) did. The dog started barking like no tomorrow. I think he was just as alarmed by my wails as I was. That moment was so important though. A few months later I would hear the quote, “The wound is the place where the light enters you” by Rumi. In the moment of hearing that quote I would know exactly what it meant based on this parting of ways experience. I wailed, and I wailed, and I wailed. That was the end of the life and the romantic love I had known for eight years before. Our relationship had had its many troubles for sure — and — I still loved the guy. The love had been real. I Kept Breaking Wide-Open So in that moment of my Heart Having Just Been Shattered into a Billion Pieces, I then sat down and said goodbye to my dog. My little, gray, 20-pound chihuahua-boston terrier mix. I don’t think he understood what was happening and I still had to say goodbye. (I was the one that adopted him but I knew that he wouldn’t have a good quality of life if he came along.) And so my Heart Broke a Little More in That Moment Too. Picking myself up off the floor in that moment took everything. Every bit of willpower and regard for myself that I had. My sister was about to be dropped off in the driveway by a friend and my car had been packed. This life was done. It was time to go. It Takes Courage to Be Done I share these details because I know the courage that it takes to be done. To let go, to move on. It didn’t feel easy at the time. Looking back I see how necessary it was to set myself free. I was setting me free. I was choosing to open up to Life, the Unknown, in a way that I never had before. I was choosing to dissolve a life that hadn’t worked or felt good for a very long time. I was choosing to be Wide Open to a Dream. My Childhood Dream. Spiritual Awakenings are real. That was a crucial part of mine. “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” Having had that experience I now know exactly what that means. The next leg of this journey was 2600 miles in length. My sister and I would do that in forty-six hours. Then, then I would see something unlike anything I had seen before. A world, a neighborhood called North Hollywood. A place that would show me How Safe It Was to Be My Self 🕊 The End. (of this Three Part Share) If you've found value from these posts feel free to let me know. I'll provide a contact form below ⬇️ If you've missed Parts 1 & 2 of this Series you can find them here, I Began to Follow My Heart at 30 (Part 1) I Began to Follow My Heart at 30 (Part 2) I'll be sharing more lived-life experiences, and what I've learned along the way, in the days and weeks ahead. Feel free to follow me on Facebook and Instagram if you'd like to see when the new blog previews arrive 📱💬 https://www.facebook.com/Timaaay https://www.instagram.com/selflovewithtim/ Much Love and Many Blessings, Timothy 🌈 🤍
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I Felt that All of Life Was Behind Me as Doors Opened and The Way Was Being Made... It was pretty phenomenal to see that once I made a decision and lined up with it, things came together -- fast! At that point in time, I was living the paycheck-to-paycheck life and had about $2,000 in the bank. I had heard that it was best to have $10,000 in the bank if you had plans to move to Los Angeles without a job. (That came from the Actors I had talked to that were already living there.) I told myself/Life, "I'll go as soon as I feel I have enough of a financial cushion saved up to support me when I get there." I didn't try to figure this out. I kind of assumed I would need to wait and save and be rather patient. To my surprise, not too long after that, I got two letters in the mail. Almost back to back. They were special offers to close out a couple pensions I had from working for other employers. What I recall (this was 10 years ago haha) is that there was some reduction in fees/financial benefit if I fully withdrew and closed the pensions. All in all, that was going to put $6,000 in my pocket and pretty quickly. I had never received letters like this before. Ever! I couldn't deny the perfect timing of them. I told Life, "I'll go when I feel I have enough savings" and within a couple weeks, the letters showed up. Doors were opening, the way was being made. I was choosing to experience better -- to follow my Heart for the first time -- and the way was being made. It Continued to Come Together Knowing I had the money landing in my bank account soon, I began looking for a room to rent in North Hollywood (literally just north of Hollywood). I had a friend living there that I met in an acting class locally. She was currently doing the bi-coastal thing and told me all about living in LA 🌴 Funny enough I found the room pretty quickly. I didn't know it at the time but the room would end up being a 7-minute walk from my local Acting Friend in North Hollywood. I searched for rooms around $700 per month and that led me to have a conversation by phone that lasted 2-hours. I had texted a number in an online ad expressing interest and the guy reached back out within 12-hours. We talked details and then got to know each other. There was a lot in common and he kept telling me, "Dude you SO are going to fit in here!" I had told him that I was very much into plant-based organic food, meditation, yoga, and mindfulness. (In 2014 these had not yet been widely embraced in the town I was living in.) It felt like a relief that my passions would be understood where I was going. 24-hours later, my future roommate reached out and said, "The room is yours." It firmed up I was going and I was going soon! As I said before, once I made the decision -- firmly so -- things just began falling into place. It fell as if All of Life was behind me and ushering me forward in this decision to Follow My Heart and Live a Dream 🎬 🎭 I Didn't Have to Drive Alone! The drive? Oh yeah, then there was that. 2600 miles and I felt like I didn't want to spend a bunch of money on hotels. I did have $8,000 but my mindset at that time was that that was for rent and groceries on the other side. The next thing that fell into place? My youngest sister told me, "I'd love to drive across the country with you! And I mean it, I LOVE to drive! I've always wanted to drive across the country." I was 30, she was 22 and we decided we'd just get there as quickly as possible. (To be continued...) To go to Part Three of this Three Part Share, Click Here. If you missed Part One of this story, you can find it here ⬇️ http://lifeastimothy.weebly.com/messages/i-began-to-follow-my-heart-at-30-part-1 I Walked Away from My Husband, Our Adopted Dog, a Job, and My Hometown to Start Over... This was my first official day in Los Angeles back in 2014. My youngest sister had driven with me across the country. We did 2600 miles in about 46 hours 🌴🚘 Previous to that I had felt stuck for years. About 7. In my twenties, all I really knew how to do was to people-please. (To make choices to make other people happy, which often caused me to suffer on the inside.) I had no real vision to inspire me in my twenties. All I had really ever wanted was to be in a romantic relationship prior to finding one at 22. I did go through a honeymoon phase and then, pretty quickly I realized that finding someone who wanted to be with me was not the end all be all of Life 🙏 (We did have many lovely moments. Romantic love just wasn't the savior I had believed it to be based on cultural norms.) I'll say again, I had no vision and so I stayed. I thought that was the best that could ever happen to me. My twenties became riddled with anxiety, fear of being myself, and deep lack in terms of fulfillment. Let me tell you I was suffocating by working one job after another that had nothing to do with my passions 😔 When Hope Came Back In At 28, I began to remember that I once had a Dream 🎭 I had always wanted to live in LA and study Acting 🎬 I took action on that remembrance. It was a gift from my Soul 🕊 The first thing I did was look up an Acting Podcast on iTunes 🎧 I found one and it was great. It began to help me vision 🙌 Suddenly I could see myself living in LA, going to auditions, and eventually being in productions that people would see 👀 I stayed with that vision and right around 30 it became abundantly clear that my old life was meant to fall apart 👈 The Moment of Choice My husband (at the time) had learned of my dream and he knew I was holding back due to a fear of leaving him. (I didn't want to hurt him and I had only known life with him for the past 8 years) The unknown did feel a bit intimidating 🥺 He said, "If this is your dream you need to go for it. I'm not going with you and I'm not going to be the reason that you didn't go for it. If I were you I'd quit your job and get there as soon as you can. We only get one life." It wasn't easy to hear that we'd no longer be together -- and -- it was the only real thing holding me back. The obligation I had placed on myself to stay 👈 The process was emotional and I began making moves from there. Things started to come together fast... ----- Ready for Part 2 of this Story? Click here to continue 👀 |
TimothyTimothy Waterman is a Globally Celebrated Channel and Trans4mational Guide who passionately speaks on the Process of Conscious Awakening. Categories
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January 2024
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