Before I started meditating about 10-years ago, I used to take the negative-inner-narrative I would hear very seriously. It made judgments about me, it made judgments about the world, it made judgments about other people... And the thing was, I thought this was normal. I thought everyone was super critical of themselves and others. If I turned on the TV I heard a lot of critical voices there, same with the radio and magazines. Everything seemed to be set against this standard of unachievable "perfection." What I also didn't realize is just how bad this inner-critic was beating me up throughout the day. After listening to it day-in and day-out I felt pretty worthless and this caused me to spend a lot of time trying to be, "perfect." At least as close as I could be to what I was told "perfect" might look like growing up. This was a pretty exhausting way to live. No wonder I didn't like myself very much... (at least back then.) Well, meditation began to change all of this. As I began learning from meditation videos, audios, and teachers I (slowly) began to realize that this voice was not truly, me. What it was, was an aspect of my mind that was doing its best to protect me from perceived harm -- pretty much all of the time -- and its strategy was to try and be "perfect." Perfect meant I would fit in, perfect meant I would be accepted, perfect meant I would feel safe. Or at least, the mind would feel those things. Accepted and safe. As I began to dis-identify with that harsh voice (from my mind) I began to feel more peaceful in Life. I began to breathe easier. I began to break free from all of that mental bullying. Don't get me wrong, this took a lot of patience, practice and discipline and I was that committed. I could no longer suffer under that harsh lens 24/7. So, I put in the work. I meditated every day and learned how to watch my mind as opposed to identifying with it -- by identifying I mean, believing everything it said to be "true." It was believing all those harsh judgments to be true that led to all of that suffering. The more I meditated the more I could see those negative judgments begin to arise and I could make the choice to say, "Yeah, I'm not buying into this" and I could let the thought pass. I could let it go. I want to stress again that this happened slowly over time and even though it may have been a process, the results did steadily build. I share this with the intention to encourage you. If you are tired of being drained by a negative and critical voice that you hear throughout the day -- you're not alone. Many people experience this. The good news is, that I and many others I know, are living proof that the mind doesn't have to stay this way. It can change, it can be re-wired, it can become less noisy. If you've never looked into meditation there are endless resources these days. There's apps, there's books, there's online courses -- you name it, there's an option to help you learn. In fact, meditation has been so helpful to me that I've even started to record my own guided meditations that I'll be sharing with the world soon. If you'd like to hear more about the resources that I used to learn meditation, feel free to send me a message below and I'd be happy to get back to you! Sending you so much compassion and encouragement on your self-growth journey, Timothy
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Eight-years ago I had hit rock bottom. I was married but not happily married. Earlier in Life I had thought, "if only I had a marriage like my parents, everything would be okay." I didn't know this at the time but in that statement alone I was putting my safety and security in the idea of someone else loving me. That's a side-note but something I feel that's worth mentioning. So back to my point -- unhappily married + depressed, anxious, and beginning to have panic-attacks. Feeling stuck in Life, feeling scared in Life -- wondering, "how did I even get here?" Looking back, here's what I can tell you based on what I've learned about depression. I wasn't listening to my heart/my intuition. I had been living Life on everyone else's terms. I had become an expert at people-pleasing. I was far too concerned with letting other people down and therefore was not living a Life that felt true to my own heart. And so yeah, I was pretty depressed -- and anxious and scared. Here's how this story started to turn itself around... I took a recommendation to see a therapist, at least for a few sessions because this whole panic-attack thing was new to me. I recognized that it was very appropriate to accept help at this stage in my Life. This therapist had a very gentle way of helping me see that -- I had never given myself permission to move towards the things in Life that truly brought a spark of joy into my heart. I had been too busy living the Life that society told me I was "supposed to live." Married, with a house and a dog and a "steady" job. There's nothing wrong with those things per-say, unless where your heart really wants to be is in Los Angeles taking acting classes and you're still in Upstate, NY. The place where you grew up and had recently outgrown. By outgrown I mean that my heart was telling me that my time living there had come to a completion. It was time to move on, into the next chapter. It's my experience that each one of our hearts knows exactly the best place for us to be at all times. We can listen to that heart direction or we can ignore it. Ignoring it for all those years led me to the depression and the panic-attacks. So yes, those two or three months in therapy were truly worth while because, the Therapist kindly showed me that leaning into my heart felt good -- it felt like it was the thing I had been waiting my whole Life to do. It simply took me giving myself permission to trust my heart more than I ever had before. So at that moment I began to make a commitment to myself. To focus on turning my Life around -- to move in the direction that helped my heart to feel alive. I began researching what moving to California might look like and I began taking acting classes locally. Those classes were incredible because they helped me to build confidence. That confidence led me to take my dreams much more seriously. Within about 4-6 months I was packing up my car for a three-day drive to Los Angeles. There's many more details to this story and I will for sure share them in other posts in the days/weeks to come. For now I want to emphasize that lesson I learned here. The depression and panic attacks were messengers. They were my Soul's way of telling me, "You've been way too scared to live Life by way of your own heart -- this is not working for you, you're not happy, you're living your Life in fear and based on other people's preferences. It's time to move on." By listening things got a whole lot better. The panic-attacks went away, the depression began to subside, and I felt excited about Life again. All it took was listening to the Messages within my Very Own Heart. If you're reading this, chances are something in this post may be speaking to you. Please know that commitment I made to myself all those years ago was one of the most worthwhile things I've ever done. It turned everything around and 8-years later, I'm about to step into a whole new adventure yet again. This time I made the decision to move on much more quickly because I've become more in tune with my heart and the messages that live there. I'm excited for this next chapter and it's my hope that if a new chapter is calling you forward -- that you'll honor the message in your heart too! Thanks for taking a few minutes to read this today and please feel free to reach out if I can be of help as a Coach on your Self-Growth Journey. Best Always, Timothy Is this Habit Holding You Back? 👇 This one is easy to overlook as it’s become so commonplace in our culture — yet it’s a very oppressive energy for both ourselves and others 👎👎 I’m talking about judgment here. It can be uncomfortable to look at because if we are honest with ourselves — and really examine our thoughts, we may find that we are either judging ourselves or judging others — a lot! These thoughts can slip by so easily. They can be as simple as judging someone else’s outfit or looking In the mirror and thinking to ourselves, “how could anyone ever love this?” I’ll be up front with you — when I started paying attention to how I judged myself and others — I started to judge myself for judging. Yeah — it’s easy to go there in the beginning of bringing awareness to this energy. Thankfully I was listening to incredible Spiritual Teachers that taught that we are not looking to judge the judgments, We ARE looking to bring awareness to them. To notice how we feel after we judge ourselves or someone else. Do we feel more connected to the World/Life — or — less connected? Does our heart feel more open, or closed? Do we feel good in that moment, or do we feel a bit like, blah 😒? When we notice how the judgments cause us to feel we can begin to catch ourselves — in judgment — more often and start to pull our attention out of that cycle. Here’s the thing, judgment does put us into a Vibration of Separateness and that is a low-frequency that drains us very quickly — if we stay in those kind of thought cycles throughout the day. If this sounds like you, remember, there’s absolutely no need to judge ourselves when we notice we are judging. When we catch ourselves we can simply ask, “Do I want to continue down this thought spiral that keeps me from feeling connected to my True Nature — Love — or do I want to shift my attention to more pleasant thoughts starting now?” It’s a practice and it takes time ⏱ I fell back into unconsciously judging so many times before I was able to shift my mind into a more positive state (more often). Working on dissolving this habit, bit-by-bit, is one of the most powerful ways I know to begin to raise Mental and Emotional Energy throughout the day. If you’re ready to begin judging less, leave me an, “I’m in!” In the comments below 😊 |
TimothyTimothy Waterman is a Globally Celebrated Channel and Trans4mational Guide who passionately speaks on the Process of Conscious Awakening. Categories
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