Eight-years ago I had hit rock bottom. I was married but not happily married. Earlier in Life I had thought, "if only I had a marriage like my parents, everything would be okay." I didn't know this at the time but in that statement alone I was putting my safety and security in the idea of someone else loving me. That's a side-note but something I feel that's worth mentioning. So back to my point -- unhappily married + depressed, anxious, and beginning to have panic-attacks. Feeling stuck in Life, feeling scared in Life -- wondering, "how did I even get here?" Looking back, here's what I can tell you based on what I've learned about depression. I wasn't listening to my heart/my intuition. I had been living Life on everyone else's terms. I had become an expert at people-pleasing. I was far too concerned with letting other people down and therefore was not living a Life that felt true to my own heart. And so yeah, I was pretty depressed -- and anxious and scared. Here's how this story started to turn itself around... I took a recommendation to see a therapist, at least for a few sessions because this whole panic-attack thing was new to me. I recognized that it was very appropriate to accept help at this stage in my Life. This therapist had a very gentle way of helping me see that -- I had never given myself permission to move towards the things in Life that truly brought a spark of joy into my heart. I had been too busy living the Life that society told me I was "supposed to live." Married, with a house and a dog and a "steady" job. There's nothing wrong with those things per-say, unless where your heart really wants to be is in Los Angeles taking acting classes and you're still in Upstate, NY. The place where you grew up and had recently outgrown. By outgrown I mean that my heart was telling me that my time living there had come to a completion. It was time to move on, into the next chapter. It's my experience that each one of our hearts knows exactly the best place for us to be at all times. We can listen to that heart direction or we can ignore it. Ignoring it for all those years led me to the depression and the panic-attacks. So yes, those two or three months in therapy were truly worth while because, the Therapist kindly showed me that leaning into my heart felt good -- it felt like it was the thing I had been waiting my whole Life to do. It simply took me giving myself permission to trust my heart more than I ever had before. So at that moment I began to make a commitment to myself. To focus on turning my Life around -- to move in the direction that helped my heart to feel alive. I began researching what moving to California might look like and I began taking acting classes locally. Those classes were incredible because they helped me to build confidence. That confidence led me to take my dreams much more seriously. Within about 4-6 months I was packing up my car for a three-day drive to Los Angeles. There's many more details to this story and I will for sure share them in other posts in the days/weeks to come. For now I want to emphasize that lesson I learned here. The depression and panic attacks were messengers. They were my Soul's way of telling me, "You've been way too scared to live Life by way of your own heart -- this is not working for you, you're not happy, you're living your Life in fear and based on other people's preferences. It's time to move on." By listening things got a whole lot better. The panic-attacks went away, the depression began to subside, and I felt excited about Life again. All it took was listening to the Messages within my Very Own Heart. If you're reading this, chances are something in this post may be speaking to you. Please know that commitment I made to myself all those years ago was one of the most worthwhile things I've ever done. It turned everything around and 8-years later, I'm about to step into a whole new adventure yet again. This time I made the decision to move on much more quickly because I've become more in tune with my heart and the messages that live there. I'm excited for this next chapter and it's my hope that if a new chapter is calling you forward -- that you'll honor the message in your heart too! Thanks for taking a few minutes to read this today and please feel free to reach out if I can be of help as a Coach on your Self-Growth Journey. Best Always, Timothy
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
TimothyTimothy Waterman is a Globally Celebrated Channel and Trans4mational Guide who passionately speaks on the Process of Conscious Awakening. Categories
All
Archives
January 2024
This website uses marketing and tracking technologies. Opting out of this will opt you out of all cookies, except for those needed to run the website. Note that some products may not work as well without tracking cookies. Opt Out of Cookies |